Rodney McKay Runs the Help Desk
by DaniWilder
Summary: Woolsey thinks his department heads should spent time doing some of the basic jobs around Atlantis. Rodney gets to run the computer help desk and typical problems ensue. There are McKeller elements, so be warned if you hate that ship.
1. Woolsey's Bright Idea

**MGM owns all characters.**

**A/N: Dwparsnips, Scr1 and I had an idea for this a long time ago. There are McKeller elements, so be warned. Set in Season 5 before Brainstorm. **

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Rodney McKay was late for the staff meeting. Woolsey never had a staff meeting at the end of the day and Rodney was behind on his performance reviews, so he angrily made his way up the stairs to the conference room. _I hate doing these things._

When the physicist entered the staff room, he was pleased to see the seat next to Jennifer Keller was vacant. Quickly getting there before Ronon showed up, Rodney nearly tripped over the back of Sheppard's chair.

"Never saw you in a hurry for one of Woolsey's impromptu meetings," John said with a knowing grin.

Glaring at John, Rodney refused to rise to the harassment he had to face since John returned from the alternate future. _He saw something there that he refuses to tell me, but it has to do with Jennifer._

"How was your day, Rodney?" Jennifer asked with a big smile as he sat down.

His stomach flopped as it always did when she was focusing her smile on him. "Fine, I..."

"Thank you all for coming," Mister Woolsey said as he stepped in to address, Sheppard, Jennifer, Lorne, Rodney, Zelenka, and Doctor Cole.

"What about Teyla and Ronon?" Rodney asked. _They were always part of the senior team meetings._

"This is for my staff only," the administrator said.

Rodney exchanged a glance with John and raised his eyebrows.

"Why is that?" John asked leaning forward looking like he was ready for a fight. "Aren't they're always considered _senior_ _staff_?"

"This is for department heads and their seconds," Woolsey said as he leaned forward, clasping his hands together. "I was part of a management round table recently on Earth and we felt that those of us at the senior level lose track of what it takes to run things in our departments. At the most basic levels, therefore, I am proposing that all of us, myself included, spend one day doing a very basic function in our department."

"What!" Rodney and John said simultaneously.

"Excuse me, sir," John said, "but don't we get to senior levels so we don't have to do menial things anymore?"

"If you are reviewing staff in your department doing menial things, as you call them, you should know what they do," Woolsey said in a tone that said they should not argue.

"What did you have in mind?" Sheppard asked.

"Oh, no. I am not wasting my intellect or Zelenka's doing something stupid," Rodney said not caring if Woolsey did not want to talk about it. _This is a waste of time and I won't do it. _

"Thank you, Rodney," Radek said smiling at him.

"Yes, if you want me to review _you_, you will do this," Rodney's boss said looking harshly at him. "Now, I looked through your departments and came up with the following assignments for you to perform tomorrow."

"Tomorrow! I'm still inventorying Janus's lab. We just opened a sealed cabinet and..." Rodney yelled almost leaping up.

"Yes, _tomorrow_," Woolsey said obviously annoyed by the interruptions. "You and Doctor Zelenka will run the Help Desk for computer issues the next two days. Colonel, Major, you can work in the armory."

"You've got to be kidding, right?" Rodney was testing Woolsey's patience. "John filling tac vests and me helping idiots who can't print and don't know what low battery means on their tablets and laptops?"

"Doctors Keller and Cole," Woolsey said ignoring Rodney's outburst."You can work in the tissue culture lab or the pharmacy."

"Counting bill bottles?" Doctor Amanda Cole said. "That's a nice relief."

"I love doing tissue culture, so I'll take that one if you'd like," Jennifer said smiling at the Air Force doctor.

"Thank you, Doctors." Woolsey smiled at the female physicians.

"You are all dismissed. I'll expect reports on your experiences by the end of the week and hope this will assist you with your performance reviews." Woolsey rose and left without looking back.

"Unbelievable!" Rodney shouted shaking his head. "What kind of ridiculous experiment is this?"

"I think it's a good idea," John said. "Helps keep us grounded."

"Grounded! Grounded! If you call the Help Desk tomorrow, you won't have hot water for a week," Rodney growled.

The other members of the senior staff got up and left.

"Wonder what Woolsey's doing?" John was asking Lorne.

Rodney sat a few extra minutes silently fuming since it was obvious no one cared. _How did he get to be in charge? Just when he seemed to be settling in, he pulls this._

"There is a benefit to this." Jennifer's voice cut through his annoyed thoughts.

As usual, his heart skipped a beat at the sound of her voice. "Really?" he asked rising to stand in front of her. _She's so beautiful._

"The Help Desk is open from 8:00am to 5:00pm. You'll be done in time for..." Jennifer paused as a pink tint colored her cheeks. She looked down for a minute, twisting her hands.

"For what?" Rodney was hanging on her words. _What is she talking about?_

"For dinner," she answered smiling.

"You're right. Don't think I ate at 5:00pm in ages," he said, returning Jennifer's smile.

Jennifer smiled back at him and they stood there for several second, looking at each other and then glancing away. _What is she waiting for? Oh crap, I'm supposed to say something. Think, McKay. What is she waiting for? Dinner, dinner... Oh!  
_  
"So, um, ah, so, are you off at 5:00pm, too?" Rodney hoped he sounded smooth.

"Yes, I am," she beamed at him obviously trying not to laugh.

"Uh... that's good."

Jennifer started laughing. "Do you want to get dinner together tomorrow?"

"You and me? Dinner?" Rodney's heart stopped. _Did she ask me on a date? No, of course not. _

"Yes, we could get an early dinner."

"We could," he said as Jennifer looked at him with raised eyebrows. "What?" _Did I say that out loud? _

"Yes... well, I'll see you tomorrow at 5:00pm. I need to wrap up some work tonight," she said. "I don't think it will be too bad for you tomorrow. There are a lot of smart people, so you should have an easy time."With another sweet smile, she left, leaving a familiar, pleasant scent behind.

Rodney had something to look forward to, so he left the conference room a little happier. How bad could it be? Jennifer's right, we have the best of the best out here.

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**A/N: Dwparsnip and I can't stay away from McKeller, but we hope non-fans will give this a try.**


	2. Service Call 1 Sheppard, you did what?

**MGM owns all characters.**

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews.**

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Rodney entered the computer lab at exactly 8:00am. Not a second before. He refused to spend any more than the allotted time there. _Eight hours, plus an hour of break that's what Elisa and Heather get, so that's what I'll get._ The two young women did such a phenomenal job during the day that Rodney never got a single complaint. The evening crew, Dwayne and Mitch, were another story all together.

"Good morning, Doctor McKay," Dwayne said as he left with a bottle of Mountain Dew Code Red and a Nintendo DS.

"Hey, you can't play video games when you're on duty," Rodney said causing the young man to drop his DS.

"Sorry."

"And no drinking in here, either," Rodney barked. _Boy these guys are worse than I thought. _"Now get out of here until tonight."

"Yes, sir," Dwayne said as Mitch went running after him.

Rodney had his tablet hoping to catch up on some performance reviews, Radek and the heads of botany and zoology were all that was left. _What are their names?_

"Rodney," John said as he entered the room holding something behind his back.

"Oh no," Rodney exclaimed. "You are not coming in here with a problem at..." he looked at his watch, "...8:03am."

"Yes, I am. Sorry to say, but my laptop is broken," the Colonel said sheepishly as he held forward a laptop with the screen section dangling by some cables.

"What the hell did you do? Try to take it apart?" Rodney grabbed the laptop and saw immediately that the hinges had been bent backwards.

"No, it got... crushed."

"Crushed? What were you doing with it?" Rodney asked as he tried to manually shove the screen back on.

"You know I tried that," John said. "I figured you'd do something more... I don't know... scientific?"

"You nearly ripped the laptop apart. It'll take brute force to put it back together."

"Well, I'll leave it with you, then," Sheppard said as he turned.

"You still didn't say how you nearly broke it off," the physicist asked as he looked around the work bench for some tools.

"I said it got crushed."

"But, how?" Rodney's natural curiosity could not be quenched by that simple answer.

"It was open on my bed and... I... I laid on it," John said.

Rodney turned to look at him. "You fell asleep on your laptop? Didn't you feel it and wake up?"

"I was kinda busy." The Colonel looked extremely guilty.

"Ahhhhhhh," Rodney cried as he dropped the laptop. Running to the desk and ripping open drawers, he screamed, "Where's the hand sanitizer!"

"Rodney, I wasn't... alone," John said.

"That's just as disgusting Captain Kirk!" Rodney screamed finally finding a bottle of sanitizer and squirting copious amounts on his hand.

"I can assure you it wasn't disgusting at all." John had a smirk on his face.

"Okay, take that... that computer to the trash and I'll requisition you a new laptop," Rodney said rubbing his hands vigorously and looking at the broken computer on the floor like it was a lemon.

"Thanks, buddy. This one was getting old. The new ones are much lighter," John said as he picked up the now-totally broken computer and left.

"Wait a minute," Rodney called down the corridor. "Was this a set-up to get a new computer!"

**

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A/N: Who shall bother Rodney next???**


	3. Service Call 2 Ronon has a computer?

**MGM owns all characters except OCs mentioned.**

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews and Betherdy Babe for beta work.  
**

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Once John left, Rodney slumped into his seat uncertain if _Captain Kirk_ had struck again or if his team leader just tricked him into a new laptop. Looking around the messy computer room, Rodney realized that he never came here before. If he needed a computer, it showed up in his office and he got to configure it as he saw fit. There was no problem he couldn't solve on his own so he didn't need their help. _It's pretty small and claustrophobic in here with all the racks and workbenches. How do two people stand being in here for hours?_

Since no one had appeared after Sheppard left for at least fifteen minutes, Rodney began to think about dinner. _I think I have a date with Jennifer._ A grin spread over his face as he set about hacking into the kitchen's computer to see what the menu was. He decided to replace the chicken with steak, brown rice and corn on the cob, favorites of the beautiful doctor from Wisconsin.

"Hey, McKay," the gruff voice of Rodney's Satedan teammate brought him out of his thoughts and his hacking.

He and Ronon tried to remain civil and act like they never had _that_ conversation several weeks ago in the gym, but it was hard. Rodney seriously doubted his chances of winning Jennifer if Ronon was after her, but he couldn't back down because he was in love with her.

"What's up?" he asked casually as he leaned back in the uncomfortable chair at the service desk. _They need better chairs if they're sitting all day. My back hurts already._

Ronon put a tablet in front of the genius with a massive dent in the glass, which produced cracks throughout the screen.

"Who the hell gave you a computer?" Rodney could not imagine Ronon doing _anything_ with one.

"Sheppard," Ronon replied.

Rodney eyed the computer with discomfort. "Did you loan it to Sheppard last night?" he asked as he rummaged through drawers looking for gloves. _I am not touching another one of these things with my bare hands again._

"No, it was broke yesterday. Didn't get around to dropping by," Ronon said looking around.

"Sure," Rodney glowered as he walked around opening and closing drawers.

"What are you looking for?" Ronon said sounding annoyed. "Can you fix this?"

"I"m looking for gloves and yes, it can be fixed," Rodney snapped. "Now, what the hell do you do with a computer?"

"Games."

"Games? What? _Solitaire_? _Tetris_?" Rodney looked back at the big man, who had his arms crossed and the look he always got when he was annoyed with the physicist.

"Can you fix it?" he said slowly, enunciating each word.

"Yes I can," Rodney repeated as slowly. "I'd like to know what you use it for?" he asked, giving up on the gloves and sitting down to stare at the broken computer.

"Sheppard showed me some... _games_," Ronon said hesitantly.

"Sheppard?" Rodney furrowed his brow and then opened his eyes wide. "Oh, _games_? Sure. Well, if you get caught downloading _them_, Woolsey will be all over you. I should report you, but you don't know any bettter. Right?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Ronon asked looking confused.

"Certain... _files_ are not allowed." Rodney stared at Ronon with a questioning look on his face. The Satedan obviously didn't understand, so Rodney gave up. "We'll fix it and get it back to you within forty eight hours. Okay?"

"Sure," he said turning to leave.

"Hey, you didn't say how you broke it?" Rodney called after him.

"I was arm wrestling," Ronon said.

"Who's fist did you put through the computer?" Rodney asked crossing his arms and leaning back in the chair.

"I was arm wrestling Master Gunny Richards," Ronon said and left.

It was then that Rodney noticed a bandage on Ronon's right hand and realized the Satedan did not answer his question. "Oh! Sorry you lost," Rodney said laughing as he thought of the big Marine taking down the Satedan.

Once Ronon was gone, Rodney got into the mainframe to lower the water temperature to Sheppard and Ronon's quarters.

**TBC**

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**A/N: Master Gunny Richards is my OC from a lot of McKeller stories and I threw in the reference to him for some of my regular readers who love him.**


	4. Service Call 3 Parrish Need I Say More?

**MGM owns all characters except OCs mentioned.**

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews and Betherdy Babe for Beta. **

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Once Rodney finished changing the environmental controls and encrypting the program so they could not be reversed for the next week, he looked back at the tablet on his desk._ No way I trust where that's been._

An idea came to his mind and he smiled. Tapping his earwig, he said, "Jennifer?"

"Go ahead Rodney. How's the help desk? I'm afraid I can't print and don't know what this blinking thing on my laptop is. It looks like a cylinder?" the voice he loved said back to him.

Hearing the smile in her voice, he could not help but play along. "Do you need me to come to the infirmary to help you out Doctor Keller?"

Jennifer was quiet a moment and Rodney realized he didn't sound cool at all. _Probably more like a pathetic man desperate to see her. _

"I hope I don't need silly computer problems for you to visit me," Jennifer said with laughter in her voice.

Letting out his held breath, he continued, "I meant what I said about the hot water, so please don't make me torture you with cold showers." As soon as the words came out, he really had to hold in a groan as his head dropped into his hands. _What a stupid thing to say? Jennifer and a shower is the last thing you need to be thinking about._

"You would do that to me?" she asked.

"Of course not, I, uh, I was..."

"Rodney, I'm afraid I'm pretty busy and not on duty, so what did you need?" she asked with trepidation in her voice.

"I need gloves."

"Gloves?"

"Yeah, like you use. A box of them. I realized these computers people bring in are covered with all kinds of... of disgusting germs and stuff," Rodney cringed at the thought of what might have happened with Sheppard's computer.

"Okay, I'll have some delivered to you and hand sanitizer," she said. "That way you'll be spared yet another trip to the infirmary."

"Thanks. You're a lifesaver," he said. _I love you. Stop it or you're going to say it out loud one of these days and then what? She'll never speak to you again._

* * *

The intercom on the desk buzzed announcing Rodney's first _call_ to the help desk. Looking at the screen, he saw it was from the botany lab. _Oh, hell, what do they want? _The botanists despised Rodney for breaking up with Katie.

"Hello, is this Elisa or Heather?" a male voice said in a happy tone.

"Neither. Who is this?" Rodney barked.

"Doctor Parrish? Who is this?"

"Your boss's, boss's boss. Now what's your problem?" Rodney was in no mood for some incompetent who does not _practice_ science to bother him.

"Doctor McKay!"

"Yes, what's your problem. You're wasting my time, which is much more valuable than yours, and your time, which I know you don't use to it's full potential, so get on with it." Rodney's annoyance with his teammates, Woolsey's stupid idea and his own ineptitude with the woman he loved came out on this botanist.

"Uh..." he said tentatively. "I'm sorry... I..."

"I don't really care, so get on with your problem."

"When I print my document, only the first page prints out. The second page is blank, but I typed a lot of text on it."

"How do you know?" Rodney was fed up already._ A printing problem! I just knew it._

"I transcribed my field notes from P3X998. We found a plant that survives by reproducing every ten years when a solar flare..."

"Do you seriously think that I, with an IQ of two hundred and five and a degree in astrophysics, gives a damn about plant reproduction?" he snapped. "Now, let me log into your computer. In the lower right screen, there's an icon with your IP address..."

Rodney spent five minutes poking around in Parrish's computer remotely and could not get the second page to show any text. He tried typing on it, but nothing showed up on the screen. To admit defeat in front of a junior member of the Science and Research department was too much for him to take so he battled on.

"Oh..." Parrish's voice sounded over the intercom.

"What!" Rodney growled.

"I see what I did," he said sounding sheepish.

"What! What did you do?" Rodney looked over the screen and could not see anything out of the ordinary.

"I selected white font. If I highlight and now select automatic," Parrish said as he began moving the mouse on the screen to the font menu and sure enough, white was selected. "Sorry to bother you Doctor McKay. I hope you enjoy your day at the help desk."

Once it was obvious the botanist disconnected, Rodney screamed in frustration and rage. _White font! White font! What idiot programmers put white font on the computer?_

**TBC**

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A/N:Thanks Scr1 for your great help Desk problem you had to solve in real life ;-) I should mention, these are all problems that my fellow writers and I faced in our various Help Desk roles during our careers. Apologies to botanists everywhere. This is Rodney, not me, talking ;-)  
**


	5. Service Call 4 Torren Plus Computer Bad

**MGM owns all characters.**

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, I'm glad this is so well received, and thanks Betherdy Babe for Beta. **

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"Rodney!" Teyla's voice sounded from behind him as she rushed in. "What is wrong?"

"Teyla? What? Oh, nothing's wrong except Woolsey's an idiot and so is Parrish," Rodney groaned realizing his teammate must have heard him scream.

"I am glad. I was worried you might be... stir crazy in this space," Teyla said as she sat down her son and a computer. Torren immediately grabbed at Ronon's broken laptop.

"No, no," Rodney said as he reached to take the computer from the little boy and remembered he had no gloves yet. "Uh, Teyla, could you please move Torren."

Teyla raised her eyebrows and looked at him strangely. "Why do you not move the computer?"

"Because I don't have any gloves on. They have tons of... _germs_ on them," Rodney said as Teyla moved Torren to sit on a cleaner part of the desk.

"Did someone call for gloves?" Carson's voice spoke from the doorway.

Rodney looked up and groaned as Carson had a computer under his arm in addition to a box of gloves and bottle of hand sanitizer. "Carson, what do you want?"

"I still make house calls," he said smiling as he set the box of gloves and the hand sanitizer down. " Hello Teyla and Torren," Carson said as he reached out to pinch Torren's chubby cheek, which elicited a squeal from the little boy.

"I know Sheppard put _all_ of you up to this, so I won't punish _you_ for _his_ transgressions," Rodney said to his teammate as he pulled on gloves to take apart her laptop. "Carson on the other hand…"

"Hey, I've been in the field for a couple months and this is how I'm treated," Carson said with mock sadness, making Torren squeal louder at the silly expression and reach for the Scotsman, who picked him up.

"The Colonel and I have not spoken all day, Rodney. Torren spilled something on it while Marie was watching him this morning so I could work out." Teyla looked at her son being spun around in the arms of Doctor Becket and smiled.

"I'll have to take this apart and clean it. Do you know what was spilled?" Rodney asked as he pried the base open.

"No, let me ask Marie," Teyla said as she turned away for a moment to call the nurse.

"Torren, it's your godfather Rodney," Carson said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"I delivered him," Rodney said as he grabbed a bunch of lint-free wipes to clean off the case.

"Aye, and something that to this day still amazes me," Carson said

As if to prove Carson wrong, Torren reached out to Rodney, causing the cantankerous astrophysicist to smile. "I need to fix your mommy's computer first," he said smiling at the boy. He glared at Carson because the little boy obviously liked his _godfather_.

As he pulled the casing apart to see a substance sticking the keys together, he thought it smelled pleasant. "Teyla, did you..."

"Marie said it was orange juice..."

Once again, Rodney screamed, only this time he backed away from the computer, tripping over the crappy chair and falling backwards, to land hard on his backside.

**TBC**

**

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A/N:Yes, Rodney whumping, too.**


	6. Service Call 5 Carson's Love Life

**MGM owns all characters except OCs mentioned.**

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews and thanks Betherdy Babe for Beta and dwparsnip and scr1 for several of the problems Rodney encountered. **

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"Rodney!" Teyla and Carson yelled as the physicist looked up from lying on his back.

"Can't breathe!" he screamed. "Oh God, I can't breathe. I can't see. I'm going into shock."

"Rodney!" Carson yelled again as he grabbed Rodney's arms to keep him from flailing too much and knocking the other chair on top of them. "Calm down. You're wearing gloves."

"I can't die," Rodney wailed. "Not now."

"Rodney, you're not going to die," Carson pulled him into a sitting position. Torren was screaming, so the Scotsman turned to Teyla and said, "Please take him out and calm him down. Rodney's fine."

"I'm not fine!" Rodney snapped. "I'm going into anaphylactic shock!"

"Rodney, you were wearing gloves," Carson said, pulling Rodney's hands in front of his face. "Now calm down and stop being such a whiny baby. Do you really want Jennifer to see you crying over spilled juice?"

"Jennifer?" Rodney looked around. "Where is Jennifer? She's my doctor, you should call her."

"She is not _your_ doctor. We don't have specific patients. She's the only one who can stand to treat you, so she gets stuck with you," Carson snapped. "Now that the hysterics are done, can you help me with my computer?"

"Oh, that's classic," Rodney snarked, pushing himself up from the floor. "I'm dying and you only care about your problems."

Carson rolled his eyes and set his computer on the table next to one with a cracked screen. "What's with this broken computer?"

"Ronon's," Rodney said as he pulled on some new gloves and shoved the others toward Carson, "Can you get rid of these?"

"Ronon has a computer?" Carson asked with his eyebrows raised.

"That's what I said," Rodney said, looking at Teyla's computer and backing away from the table. "Hey, Carson, can you get rid of that too?"

"The computer?" Carson said.

"Of course," Rodney barked. "It's covered in orange juice. I can't have it here, it's deadly."

"I'm not your lackey," Carson complained. "This was the worse idea I think Woolsey ever had, making you serve the masses."

"Hey, you guys are lucky to have someone so smart to solve your computer problems," Rodney said smugly.

* * *

After questioning Carson for at least half an hour about everything he did to his computer since he returned because half his systems wouldn't work, Carson finally mentioned something useful. "Doctor Porter sent me a lovely email, but once I opened it, my system started…"

"Carson, please tell me this email didn't say _ILOVEYOU_ in the subject line?" Rodney furrowed his brow and held his breath.

"It's none of your bloody business what it said," Carson answered hotly.

"Oh crap! You opened one of the oldest viruses out there," Rodney said and then groaned. "Please tell me you haven't connected to the network since you got back?"

"Of course, how the hell would I get the email?" Carson asked.

"No!" Rodney's scream actually brought a couple security guards to the IT room this time.

* * *

When five o'clock hit, Rodney was dead on his feet. After fighting with the virus for several hours and calling in Radek to help scrub the servers of the worm, he helped Chuck find a file he deleted and then assisted Lorne when he cleaned his registry and removed valuable information. Preparing to leave, he got one more call.

Groaning loudly, he hit the intercom, "What do you want?"

"I hope you are annoyed I'm calling at 4:55 and was not this rude to people all day, Doctor McKay," Woolsey said.

"As a matter of fact I have been," Rodney said. "I have never been cut out to serve the public."

"So it would seem," Woolsey agreed. "I wish to have you encrypt the menu files on the server in the future."

"What?" Rodney asked, remembering his hacking earlier in the day. "Why?"

"The menu for tonight was changed from chicken piccata to steak," his boss said.

"Is there no steak?" Rodney asked before he smacked his forehead. _Idiot!_

"Yes, there's steak, but I was prepared to make chicken piccata. Pulled out an old family recipe from my mother too," Woolsey explained.

"You're working in the kitchen?" Rodney asked stunned.

"Yes. I'm a gourmet chef and thought I'd put it to use. Not much I can do with steak, though, and the Marines are expecting it, so I can't change it or we'll have a riot. I'd like you to make sure this cannot happen again," Woolsey said in his authoritarian voice that Rodney hated.

"Of course," Rodney said.

After fixing the encryption, adjusting numerous environmental controls for the next week and leaving copious open computer repair tickets for Radek to complete the next day, Rodney headed to dinner at 5:15. _I'm late._ "Jennifer?" he tentatively said into his intercom, but got no reply. Feeling sick to his stomach that he was late for his _possible_-date with Jennifer and that she was pissed, he ran quickly to the mess hall.

TBC


	7. It's Radek's Problem Now

**A/N: I was not going to do this as a McKeller story, but I can't help myself. McKeller fluff warning.**

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As Woolsey predicted, due to the steak, it was packed. Looking around, he didn't see Jennifer and his shoulders slumped. The Help Desk team was seated at a table near the door with Sergeant Stackhouse, Doctor Esposito and a couple soldiers Rodney didn't recognize. They appeared to be deep in conversation when Elisa suddenly laughed loudly. The pretty brunette was obviously flirting with a soldier, while Heather, the blond who Rodney had to admit was cute, smiled sweetly at Stackhouse. Dwayne and Mitch were seated with Doctor Esposito and a redheaded Marine that reminded him of Cadman between them.

Because he had a rotten day and suddenly realized these folks did this on a daily basis, he walked over to them with the intention of making their evening even better. "Glad to find you all together," he said.

"Doctor McKay?" Elisa gasped as she looked up. "Wh-what…"

"Don't worry, I'm not here to send you to work. As a matter of fact, I think you all should get an extra week of vacation," Rodney said. The stunned faces and silence at the table prompted him to fill the void. "I know this is early as promotions aren't announced for a couple more weeks, but I wanted you to know you're all going to get promoted and I'm moving the tech room to a larger space."

Silence and slack-jawed expressions greeted the physicist. Feeling awkward as he never delivered such good news to anyone in his life, he glanced around for an easy out. When he saw Sheppard with a perplexed look on his face, he jumped. "Sorry to leave so quickly, but I gotta talk to the Colonel. Enjoy your evening and don't worry about tomorrow, Doctor Zelenka's got it covered."

* * *

"Rodney, what are you doing here?" Sheppard asked when Rodney drew close.

"I'm getting dinner," he said.

"Alone?" John replied.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rodney asked.

"Aren't you supposed to be eating with Jennifer?"

"Yes, but I can't find her," Rodney replied without thinking. He was concerned when she didn't answer the radio.

"Well, she's probably in her quarters changing, like you should be," John said motioning toward the door.

Why didn't I think of that! Of course, she's changing." Rodney smiled at John as he turned to leave. "Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow."

"McKay," John said stepping closer. "Don't bring Zelenka any broken laptops tomorrow morning." His eyebrows wiggled and a smirk spread over his face. Before Rodney could respond, he slapped him hard on the shoulder and walked toward the table with the Help Desk team.

As Rodney left with thoughts of Jennifer and what she might be changing into in his head, he thought he saw the newly promoted computer technicians all clinking glasses together at the table. _Well, they did just get promotions with raises, so they must be happy._

* * *

Rodney hurried to his quarters to change and then he was going to Jennifer's quarters to knock on the door. _Like a date on Earth would do. A date. With Jennifer Keller. I can't believe it. Wait a minute? How did Sheppard find out?_ A sense of dread filled Rodney. _Sheppard!_ He made sure the day was stressful and probably had Jennifer ask Rodney out only to leave him waiting like an idiot for her to never show up. _Why do I let myself fall for his pranks after all these years?_

The spring in Rodney's step was gone. By the time he reached his quarters, he was ready to sulk with some MREs in Janus' lab for the night. _Jennifer did not ask me out._ _John set up the entire day and now I'll have to suffer through another lonely night working until I pass out._

Once he entered his dark room, he pulled off his jacket and flung it at his desk to the right of the door. He heard it fall on the floor, but didn't care. _A hot shower and some food is what I need right now_. Stretching out his stiff muscles, he turned on the light and suddenly realized he was not alone in his quarters.

"Hello Rodney," Jennifer said as she got up from her seat on the sofa.

Rodney couldn't take his eyes off her as she walked to him, nor could he find the power of speech. She was wearing a light blue sweater with a V-neckline that Rodney thought went too low to be worn in public and tight-fitting jeans that accentuated her curves. He was certain that his heart stopped and all blood left his body. "J-j-jen…" Rodney started only to stop as she stopped right in front of him.

"I figured you had a bad day and thought we could have a quiet dinner in your quarters," she said as she smiled shyly and then looked more confident when his face lit up. "I grabbed us steak dinners. Can't believe the mess hall is serving steak without anything to celebrate."

"Yeah, that's weird," he said as if mesmerized by her eyes that reminded him of chocolate.

"Mister Woolsey, who was going to cook tonight, was upset because there was a mix-up with the menu," she said with a smile that caused more fluttering in his chest. "I love corn on the cob, brown rice and steak, so it's perfect to me."

Rodney nodded. "That's nice."

"I also thought we could watch one of the movies you've been complaining that you haven't seen. Maybe the Sixth Sense, but I have to warn you that it scares me," Jennifer said with another smile, this one was mischievous.

"Sure," he agreed. _I'll say anything to keep her here._

"You are quite agreeable tonight, Doctor McKay," Jennifer said with a smile. She touched his arms and slid her hands down to take his and tug him toward a table he hadn't noticed set up next to the sofa.

"How did you…" he started only to be cut off by Jennifer, who was walking backwards, leading him to the table.

"I have my ways," she said laughing.

The feel of her hands holding his sent his heart rate into overdrive. The small, smooth hands that had saved countless lives held his very soul in them. _Does Jennifer really want to spend the evening with me?_ The concept was more than the genius could possibly comprehend.

"After dinner and a movie, I thought I could give you a back rub," she said as they stopped next to the table with a table cloth, candles and a bottle of wine.

"Back rub?" His brain was suddenly only capable of a level of speech used by those with IQs of a lot less than two hundred and five.

"If you think you're up to it?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Sure." He continued to enjoy the feel of her hands, which he was holding firmly, the scent of her shampoo or perfume and the beautiful face that filled his vision. The physicist knew he could stay here forever.

"Rodney?" Jennifer asked squeezing his hand. "Carson said you thought you were exposed to orange juice earlier, do you feel okay? I don't believe you have ever said so little to me before. What's going on in that genius mind of yours?"

"Not much," he replied truthfully as his eyes zeroed in on her smile and the perfectly shaped mouth that made it. If he were more forward, like Sheppard, he would have taken her being in his quarters with food and offering a back rub as permission to kiss her, but he wasn't that guy. Instead, he stood like an idiot waiting for some sign from Jennifer of what she expected.

She drew her hands away from him and suddenly looked away. "I see. Well… I… I just thought we could have a… a _real_ date. The drink last year wasn't really a date and you had just ended it with Katie, so… Look, I'm really sorry Rodney. I thought you liked me. I never seem to catch a break with guys, so I don't know why I thought you might be different."

As soon as Jennifer turned away to grab her jacket, Rodney began to comprehend. Her words caused his eyebrows to shoot up his forehead. _Jennifer really thinks this is a date._ Because his brain had taken a leave of absence, it took him a few minutes to get up to speed. During that time, Jennifer must have interpreted his actions as a lack of interest.

"Jennifer," he suddenly said loudly, causing her to jump. He grabbed her by her shoulders and turned her back to face him. "Don't go. I _do_ like you. I _like_ you more than I've ever liked another person. I… I… I suck at this. You even said as much before we had that drink. Please, _please_ don't go. Dinner and a movie are a wonderful idea."

Jennifer raised one perfectly curved eyebrow as a questioning look passed over her face. "Are you sure? You didn't seem too excited to find me here."

"I was stunned. What man comes home from a rotten day to find the woman he dreams about in his quarters?" _Holy crap! I said it out loud. I can't take that back. _

Silence filled Rodney's quarters as he heard his heart beat and blood rush past his ears. He closed his eyes and reluctantly let go of her shoulders. "I… Jennifer… I…" He couldn't think of the words to apologize for fantasizing about her. _What a pervert she must think I am?_ _A wonderful woman like her doesn't want to know about my fantasies._

Rodney felt a hand slide along his cheek and another rest gently on his left forearm. Opening his eyes, he saw Jennifer's face inches from his. "That's probably the sweetest thing you've said to me," she said with a smile as she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips. It was quick, and she pulled back almost as soon as it started.

"Wh-what, what was that for? I just said that I… I mean, you must think I'm a creep or something," Rodney said, amazed his lips could move after hers touched them.

"I've been having fantasies about finding you in my quarters too, so I'd be a hypocrite if I was mad at you," she said as she stepped back.

Rodney heard her mention fantasizing about him, pulled her none too gently into his arms and kissed her with all the passion and love he felt for her. The heat and intensity he conveyed with his kiss was returned with equal fervor. Jennifer's arms wrapped around his neck as quickly as his arms wrapped around her waist and they moved toward the couch.

It was difficult to have any idea of where you were going when you were finally kissing the woman of your dreams and she was kissing you in return. Rodney wanted to just drop onto the floor and make love to her, but was in control enough to realize it could be a long time before they got that far. As he backed up to the couch, a crash pulled their lips apart. Jennifer's computer had fallen to the floor.

They both looked at each other and Rodney muttered as his mouth descended once more on her swollen lips, "I'll take it to Radek first thing, it's his problem now."

**

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A/N: So, was this a normal day at the Help Desk? Rodney'll never know. Thanks for reading and reviewing.  
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